


Ribcages

by genovianprince



Series: Right Where I Belong [9]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Coming Out, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Forced coming out, Gender Dysphoria, Hurt Lance (Voltron), Lance (Voltron) Has ADHD, Lance (Voltron) is a Mess, M/M, Surgery recovery, Trans Character, Trans Lance (Voltron), Trans Male Character, Trans Male Lance (Voltron), this may be triggering for trans folk, top surgery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-19
Updated: 2019-01-27
Packaged: 2019-10-12 14:13:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17469119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/genovianprince/pseuds/genovianprince
Summary: It’d only been about a month and a half since the end of the Garrison semester — a month and a half since Lance had been caught hamfistedly hacking into the Garrison's files and expelled.Hunk's birthday passed with no recognition, and Lance finds himself struggling with a world that feels like cardboard.





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> This part of the story is not fun for Lance (or anyone else involved), but it's an important step in helping Lance heal from Hunk's disappearance and remind himself to take care of himself. In this fic, Lance wears his binder for three days straight - and he'll recover fine, but this causes him some immediate breathing issues and Ryou, who wasn't aware of Lance's transition, helps him through it and talks him down until Lance decides for himself that they should go to the hospital.
> 
> Be aware that this may be triggering for some trans people as this isn't the best coming out story. It was hard for me to write, myself. But it sparks very important conversations that Lance needed to have and helps him and Ryou grow closer. Please enjoy carefully!
> 
> Also, much of the conversation was taken from spur-of-the-moment roleplay between myself and amorremanet. I'm the one who pulled it altogether into coherency and turned into the fic you see here, but some of the words ARE hers and she preferred not to be listed as a co-author. However, I'd be remiss if I didn't note her hand in helping me make this <3

It’d only been about a month and a half since the end of the Garrison semester — a month and a half since Lance had been caught hamfistedly hacking into the Garrison's files and expelled. He’d been home for most of it, holiday break and everything. Veronica wanted to tell their family what had happened, but Lance begged his younger twin not to, not yet. He didn’t want to ruin Christmas for everyone.   
  
In truth, he  _ had _ planned on telling them. But he couldn’t bear to disappoint them and he’d “gone back” to the Garrison with Ronnie a few days after New Year.    
  
Then he’d hit a depression slump, because now that it was actually January, January the thirteenth seemed so much closer. Hunk’s birthday. God, he missed Hunk so much it was unbearable. He remembered the years before, how he’d work up such a big fuss about Hunk’s birthday to make Hunk feel special, watching the smiles and blushes on his fiance’s face. He loved watching Hunk realize how much dramatic flair Lance had put into it, shaking his head, and telling Lance he was silly, but it was nice. And Lance would kiss him and—   
  
Lance choked on a sob as he wallowed in misery on the couch in the shack (a bit of a misnomer, as it was a rather nice place, actually, but still). God, why wouldn’t his head just shut up? Fuck, he hurt enough, why couldn’t he just  _ let it go _ like a  _ normal fucking person _ instead of wallow like this?   
  
Sniffling, he rolled over, facing the front door of the shack and not paying attention to how his breath rattled. Vaguely, in the back of his mind, he knew something was wrong, the sharp pains in his chest weren’t normal, but he’d somehow convinced himself he was just imagining it at the moment because of his heartbreak.   
  
Ugh, he’d been like this for three whole days. He didn’t want to be. But all he could do was lay here and wallow. Shit, had he even eaten today? It didn’t matter.   
  
The door opened and he blinked at the figure that came through. “Hey Ryou,” he whispered, throat raw.   
  
Ryou stretched as he came inside, nodding to Lance. “Hey, Lance — Lance?!” Dropping his bag, he rushed over to Lance and knelt beside him, unsure what to do and wringing his hands together. “Okay, shit, okay, you’re not breathing right, we need to get you to the ER, d’you mind if I pick you up? Thank God I don’t have a hover-bike like Shiro, I can actually get you into a station wagon—”   
  
Lance blinked again and suddenly became aware of his wheezing, of the pain in his ribs, the tight feeling around his chest —  _ oh. _ Shit.   
  
“No ER,” he forced out, sitting up.   
  
“What do you mean,  _ no ER, _ Lance! You can’t breathe! That’s serious, I—” Ryou abruptly cut himself off as Lance tugged his shirt off, brain short-circuiting because  _ what the fuck, Lance couldn’t be serious, right, this was not the time for  _ **_sex_ ** —   
  
But then he realized what he was seeing and blinked as Lance struggled to fiddle with the back of the binder on his body.   
  
“A — A binder?” he stuttered slightly, in a daze.   
  
Lance nodded, too frustrated and panicky to care just then about any coming-out anxiety.  _ He couldn’t breathe. _ The terror felt like it’d been injected directly into his heart.   
  
“Help,” he said weakly, “‘S just velcro, but I can’t…”   
  
“Yeah, of course,” Ryou said softly, sitting up on his knees as Lance awkwardly turned so Ryou could access his back without getting all up in Lance’s business. He carefully and quickly  _ shripp _ ’d the velcro apart and helped Lance out of the binder, nearly sighing in relief as he heard Lance take a proper deep breath.   
  
Lance leaned back into the couch, staring at the ceiling and working to carefully control his breathing, hyper aware of every movement, of the cool air against his naked chest, of Ryou, still kneeling in front of him —  _ stop, _ he chastised himself, still taking deep breaths. The last thing he needed was to hyperventilate. He winced at the pain of his ribs expanding, lungs finally taking in good lungfuls of air. Fuck. He hadn’t taken his binder off for  _ three days. _ How had he missed that? He prayed there was no permanent damage.   
  
“...This isn’t how I would have told you,” he finally managed to whisper in the awkward silence that followed as Lance got his breath back. At least he was wheezing much less now.   
  
“Mm.” Ryou had avoided looking at Lance’s chest for only a minute before he guiltily caved into his curiosity. But he was glad he had, as he noted the bruises littering Lance’s ribcage and furrowed his brow. “It’s okay, Lance. I’m just… upset that you’re hurt. Did? Did you get hurt or something? Is that what the bruises are?”   
  
Lance swallowed, shifting quickly to lay down on the couch again, but this time on his front to hide himself. “I’m guessing you don’t know much about trans stuff. Um, but… Kinda? Not really? If you wear a binder too long, it gets really restrictive and starts to get too tight and... You bruise up.”   
  
Ryou winced as Lance laid down. “Are you sure you should lay down like that? With the bruises, I mean? Doesn’t that hurt  _ more?” _ At least he was trying not to stare. Even if he had to close his eyes and take deep breaths to help sort himself out. Having an anxiety attack now wouldn’t do any of them any good. He pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes for a moment and sighed, opening them to stare into Lance’s eyes.    
  
“So you know that your binder does this… How long have you been wearing it?” he asked gently.   
  
Lance cringed. “Yeah, it hurts, I just… I feel more exposed than I’m comfortable with,” he admitted in a whisper, “And, um. Well. You’re not supposed to wear them longer than eight hours. I, uh.” He cringed again. “I’ve forgotten for like. Three entire days. I’m just...” His lip wobbled and eyes shined with unshed tears as he gazed at Ryou. “I’m a mess. I-I just, it was? Hunk’s birthday? And I got so wrapped up in my head, I just forgot because I was too busy  _ moping _ like a  _ loser _ and I’m normally so good with it but I forgot…”   
  
Ryou reached out and ruffled Lance’s hair gently. “Okay, two seconds. I’ll be right back, and then we’ll talk about it, okay?” At Lance’s nod, he stood up and went to the hall closet, pulling out Shiro’s old Star Trek fleece blanket and bringing it back.   
  
“Here,” he said softly, “Wrap yourself in this. Less restrictive and all.”   
  
Lance took it and sat up carefully with it in front of him to block Ryou’s view — not that it did much now, obviously, but it made him feel better, at least. He wrapped himself in it gently and nodded when Ryou made a motion to sit beside him.   
  
The moment Ryou opened his mouth to speak, however, Lance burst into tears, the emotions of it all finally piercing that weird dark curtain in his mind. He covered his face with the blanket to hide as it all overwhelmed him — Hunk was gone, he'd been exposed, Hunk's first birthday away from home had just passed and Lance didn't get to say happy birthday or plan a party or anything, he was in pain, and everything just felt awful and overwhelming.

“S-s-s-sor, sorry, Ryyyou.” He choked on more sobs, rubbing at his face beneath the blanket. “This wasn't supposed to h-h-haaaappennnn.....”   
  
Ryou swallowed. He  _ really _ hadn’t been expecting to come home, figure out that Lance had been lowkey hurting himself, accidentally uncover his secret, and then have Lance break down on him, but it sure had happened. He hadn’t quite hit the point in the semester where people often broke down on him yet, so he was a bit out of practice. Still, he took a deep breath and focused, rubbing at Lance’s shoulder beneath the blanket.   
  
God, thinking of what to say was hard, but he wanted to help Lance, even if he didn’t know Lance very well. Especially since Lance and Kashi had started calling each other their best friend.   
  
The whole time he was thinking, he never let up on rubbing Lance’s shoulder. “It's okay, Lance. I mean. You crying is okay. The rest of it isn't, but not because of you or anything about you, like…” He sighed and squeezed Lance’s shoulder gently. “Horrible things that aren't supposed to happen? They still do. And it sucks. But…”   
  
Rubbing more on Lance’s shoulder, he continued, “You're gonna get through this, Lance. Even if it doesn't feel like it right now, you will.” He kind of wanted to cite the case of him and Shiro losing their parents in the way they did. But he  _ really  _ didn't want to be an asshole, and that felt like… like a dick thing to say. Because it would sound like he was making it about  _ him,  _ which. Yeah, no. Not with Lance as upset as he already was.   
  
Lance hiccuped, scrubbing at his face with a hand and slowly calmed down. Eventually, he pulled the blanket away from his face as he realized how much it was suffocating him — really not helping the whole “breathe normally again” thing.   
  
Tucking the blanket around him a little more tightly to make sure it wouldn’t fall off, he leaned into Ryou’s soft side and sighed. “I wish they didn't. I wish I didn't lose Hunk and I wish the Garrison would stop covering it up. I know something else happened, I know it, I just…”  He hiccupped again and tried to rub at his eyes to no avail. “Um. Then... This, today, I just... I don't like people knowing....” He gestured vaguely to his chest. “I'm sorry. I know you wouldn't tell, but my anxiety is through the roof right now.”   
  
Ryou wasn't expecting to get snuggled on either, but as long as it was going to happen, he planned on comforting Lance to the best of his ability. He gently curled his arm around Lance's shoulders with a sigh. “I get it. I mean. Not about… what you don't like people knowing, just? Anxiety through the roof, for one thing? That's been, like… A huge part of my life for as long as I can remember. And, well. Kashi knows all about things he doesn't want people knowing. And both of us get the whole… Someone who you love. Up in space. And you lose them. And I don't know heads or tails about what the Garrison is or isn't doing, or what actually happened to the Kerberos crew, but?"

He sighed again and rubbed at Lance's bicep. “I know that you can't torture yourself by trying to fake like everything is fine. But you can't punish yourself, either. And it's fair if you're angry, but… Don't take it out on yourself. You deserve better than that, Lance.”   
  
Lance trembled slightly, but he was calming down, and he heaved a shaky sigh. “I didn't… mean to take it out on myself? I just got so… Static. And everything sort of greyed out over the past couple days.” He chuckled darkly. “I know we live in nicer times and all, but top surgery still costs a lot. And pretending like everything is fine what I'm good at. Unless I'm angry.” He didn’t go any deeper into that statement. He still didn’t know Ryou all that well and, well… Sorry, Ryou, but you have to be a level fifteen friend, first.   
  
Ryou took a deep breath and sighed. There sure was a lot of sighing going on, he thought irreverently.    
  
“I’m sorry. For not really noticing your… stupor, I mean. I’ve been around. I should have noticed…” He trailed off for a moment, clearing his throat.  _ Kashi… After a lifetime with him, you’d think I’d be better at spotting things like this. _ “And, um? I’m sorry for sort of… projecting, I guess? Assuming, that is? That what you were doing was punishing yourself. Kashi does it all the time, but that doesn’t mean it was the same for you. Or that you do that kind of thing.”   
  
_ I’ve thought about it, like, once, but I don’t think so. And I really don’t think I’m in denial, either? I’ve never… done something like  _ **_that_ ** _. It’s too scary, _ Lance thought privately, unable to voice it, despite his want to. Everything was sort of scary right now, really.   
  
Ryou squeezed Lance’s bicep with a soft hum. “Two things? Does Kashi know about… all this? And second, do you want to talk about what was going on? Like, you greyed out, but? Doesn't it  _ hurt, _ with bruises like that? So, if you didn't notice? Just? I want to understand better, so I can try to help. But I also just want to listen, if you want to talk.”   
  
Lance blinked up at him and cleared his throat, thinking for several minutes on how to describe it, before he finally was able to spit it out. “Shiro knows I'm trans... And, uh. Yeah, normally I would notice? But… Everything felt just grey and numb. I noticed how close it was to Hunk's birthday and then it was here and I just… F-faded?” He sighed. “Nothing felt real. It was cardboard. Everything. Nothing was real. Kinda felt like Kansas. I just didn’t feel the pain because, like? It wouldn’t register. Since everything was. Cardboard. And/or Kansas. A cardboard Kansas.”   
  
Ryou listened attentively, so sure that he'd come up with something sensitive and sweet and helpful… But then he sort of bemusedly scrunched his face, and all he could come up with— “… Are?… Are you making a  _ Wizard of Oz _ reference? Or is there something about Kansas that I don't know because I try not to think about Kansas?”   
  
Lance snickered, eyes twinkling as he looked up at Ryou. “Yeah. Exactly. And you try not to think about Kansas? Like, actively avoid thinking about it? Geez, what did Kansas ever do to you?” he asked teasingly.   
  
Ryou couldn’t stop himself from deadpanning, “Scarecrows. Endless rows of corn patches with creepy scarecrows.”   
  
“Aw, but Scarecrow from  _ Wizard of Oz _ was so nice! Then again, I suppose he wasn’t even from Kansas,” Lance mused.   
  
Ryou rolled his eyes affectionately.    
  
After a few moments of silence, Lance spoke up. “I think that that was about the happiest I’ve been the last couple of days. It’s probably bad, but I’m gonna enjoy it.”   
  
Snorting, Ryou murmured, “Honestly? Same. Except it’s been stress over my dissertation.” He breathed deeply and gently squeezed Lances arm, and rolled his lip between his teeth. “… I. I don't want to take the happy away, but?… Look, if Kashi  _ knows  _ that you're trans already? Then I just? I really wouldn't feel good about  _ not  _ telling him about this? Like… this is something that he would really want to know? And he'd probably have a better idea of what to do?”   
  
Lance inhaled sharply and sighed. “I don't… want to… But… I… It's…” He growls in frustration, his sudden ferocity taking himself and Ryou by surprise. “It's fucking scary! Talking about — about how I'm not normal! I have an identical twin and people get bugged when we say that because we're different genders! I'm scared every time I use a urinal that someone's gonna notice my dick is a rubber fucking prosthetic! I know that not being safe with binding is a problem, and that having these bruises and maybe even cracked ribs is a serious health issue and I should go to the hospital and talk to Shiro, because he's one of the only friends I’ve got left after getting expelled, but it FUCKING SUCKS!"   
  
Panting, he bit harshly on his lip to stop any more emotional outpouring and clenched his fists, hiding his face from Ryou.   
  
Ryou decided some deep breaths were needed for him to think of what to say. After the fourth one, though, he was coming up empty, so he just started spitting it out. “I mean. I could give you one of the talks that Obaasan used to give me and Kashi about how trans, non-binary, and gender nonconforming people were perfectly normal, just not as common as cis, gender-conforming people? But. That… mostly just feels kind of? Overly intellectual and patronizing? And I get that I  _ don't know _ how much this sucks for you, and I  _ can't  _ know that because? I'm cis? Nothing you've dealt with is an issue for me or ever has been? I just?”   
  
He sighed. “What sucks for me, right now? Is that… maybe we aren't best friends or anything, yet? But the fact that you are actual friends with my brother is a big deal to me. And you're a really nice guy, and you're hurting, and I want to help you,  _ but I don't know how. _ And? It feels like I'm just? Making everything worse? Or like, maybe I'm making you feel like I'm trying to pawn you off on Kashi, but it's just?” He made a discontented, slightly whiny noise. “…He knows what to do in situations, more than I do. I mean, he's a fucking idiot about Keith, but? Not about other things? And I want to help you, but he's the twin who'd actually have an idea of what to do?” He massaged his thumb over Lance’s arm.   
  
“... I mean, Jesus, I'm just  _ now  _ thinking, 'Oh, Lance might need water, he was just crying, that makes people dehydrated,' but he would've been right on that, y'know?”   
  
Lance focused on breathing for a few minutes as he listened to Ryou, trying very hard not to think about the way the action made his ribs creak and his lungs ache and wheeze. He let out a soft, breathless giggle. “I could use some water, yeah, but cuddles are good right now.” He paused. “Actually, could you go get me some? I wanna put my shirt back on.”   
  
Ryou nodded and Lance leaned off to let Ryou up. He quickly snapped up his shirt from the floor and left the blanket bunched around his legs as he stretched for a moment, wincing as the movement pulled on his ribcage.   
  
At Ryou’s return, he stayed upright for himself and sipped slowly at the water, aware of what drinking too fast would do. Hiccups would only make him more frustrated. “You're helping by just… listening to me, man.  I wish you had things to say too, but I wouldn't know what I wanna hear. Unless it's that you're secretly a genie and you're here to make me cis with the right password, or something crazy.” He snorted. “Not many people actually listen to the things I say… and the things I  _ don't  _ say. And you're doing amazing, so thank you. Um. But maybe we should go get my ribcage checked out. I'm more calm now, I know how to handle it. When I was panicking earlier, I just was scared because I was… grey. And I didn't know what would happen if some doctor went all evangelical on me. People still do that, so.” He shuddered.   
  
Ryou pursed his lips. “Well, I’m glad you’re feeling better,” he offered, “And I’ll take you now, okay? If someone decides to be shitty to you, I can definitely help you, too.”   
  
Lance smiled, sipping at his water again and sighing. “Thanks, man. You’re a really good friend. I’ll text Shiro on our way, yeah? He doesn’t have to, like… meet us there or anything, I know he’s busy, but he should know, since…” He winced. “I don’t have Garrison insurance anymore, and I was taken off my parent’s when I enrolled as an adult. So, um. I guess you guys’ll be paying for today’s little… stupid. Thing.” He lowered his eyes, feeling them water and sucked in a breath, trying to stave off more tears. Fuck, he owed Shiro and Ryou so much, and then he had to go and pull something stupid like  _ this _ and make it worse.   
  
“Hey.” Ryou put his hands on Lance’s cheeks, gently tilting his head up to look him in the eye. “Whatever you’re thinking, stop it. You’re not a burden, you’re not stupid. Shiro and I have more than enough money for our great-great grandchildren to live off of. I think they would deal without a brand new Harley-Davidson hoverbike if it helps you.” A smile tugged at his lips. “Y’know, if Harley-Davdison is even still a company by the time they’re old enough to fly.”   
  
Lance chuckled wetly, a blush rising in his cheeks. “Thanks, man. That means a lot. So, um. Yeah. Let’s go.” He stepped away from Ryou’s hands and fumbled for his shoes. They had a bit of a trip ahead of them. God, he had no idea how he’d had the brain to keep his phone charged during all that, but he sure was happy he had. At least he wouldn’t be bored on the way to the hospital.   



	2. Chapter Two

Lance had been pleasantly surprised by the fact that the basic healthcare package that everyone who couldn’t afford to buy any premium insurance had would cover his x-rays today. He’d never really cared to learn what Basic would cover or not considering his parents had always been able to put their kids on their premium, and then the Garrison covered even more, so it seemed like a waste.  
  
Especially since trans stuff like surgery or getting HRT was only covered if you jumped through a million hoops either way. Having worldwide healthcare had its blessings and curses, and it’d been set up by bigots a long time ago. Sure, people were working to change that, but it was tough. Too much red tape.  
  
He cringed as he remembered all of the psych evals he’d had to take, how much he’d had to lie all over them over time as he realized his sheer gender non-conformity to the heteronormative and old gender stereotypical crap was pushing back his confirmation. How sickening it’d been to pretend like he had no interest in anything “female” unless it was hot chicks, pretend as if he weren’t really _that_ bi, learn tons of crap about sports he didn’t give a shit about just to fit some asshole doctor’s narrative on who could and couldn’t be trans. Too many doctors pushed for just the right amount of “masculine” bullshit. It didn’t matter how many different doctors he went to around his hometown, nearly all of them were crabby jerks too old and too high on their traditionalist crack to care about what was _actually best_ for Lance, just what was best for an old society that didn’t deserve to exist, to still be affecting people like him like this.  
  
He fiddled with his phone as he waited in the evaluation room for the x-ray room to be available, laying on his back on the table and refusing to look down his body, knowing he’d probably only throw up if he did look. The weird stares from people in the waiting room had been gross enough.  
  
Shivering, he decided to re-read the conversation he’d had with Shiro while in the car.  
  
 _Lance [_ _🌊_ _💙_ _]:_ **what’s up, buttercup? I’m, um. well, if you’re free? Ryou’s taking me to the hospital. there’s been some. uh. shit.** **  
** **  
** _Buttercup:_ **Uh, define “shit”, please? Broken leg? Heart attack? Stabbed your arm in a cooking accident?** **  
** **  
** _Lance [_ _🌊_ _💙_ _]:_ **omg. what the heck goes through your head, dude? XD nah, uh, we’re just gonna get some x-rays done on my ribs. I… think I had some kind of depression episode? I, like, forgot to take my binder off for three days : < we’re gonna make sure there’s no real damage.**  
  
 _Buttercup:_ **Yikes. Okay, well, which one are you going to? I’ll be along after this class lets out.**  
  
 _Lance [_ _🌊_ _💙_ _]:_ **Morningside General Hospital.** **  
** **  
**And that had been that. Lance didn’t know if Shiro had gotten here yet, or anything after that.  
  
The doctor came back and he put his phone back down with his belongings. Time for the x-rays.  
  
*****  
  
Shiro’s leg bounced anxiously all throughout the rest of his remedial Saturday clas after messaging with Lance. He was incredibly worried about Lance, one of his best friends. It was strange to think of him like that; the assignment was pretty fresh. Still, he couldn’t deny how close he’d grown to the bubbly man. Strange how Shiro had gone from having only two friends in Yuki and Adam to having four when you counted Keith and Lance, now. (If Hunk were still around, it would’ve been five). Ranking them, though? The very idea made him feel queasy. Keith certainly came first, as his _th’y’la,_ that was easy, but the others? He couldn’t put any one person above the other. They were just… _all_ his best friends.   
  
So, he didn’t focus very well on keeping an eye on his classroom, eyes out like a hawk for any cheaters. In the back of his mind, he hoped that these people were more decent than that, but you never knew. His lip wore down from him biting so much, anxious for the bell so he could get out of here and go see Lance.  
  
So focused on his inner thoughts of Doom, he almost didn’t notice the bell going off until the students were handing in their test papers and filing out. He plastered on his Garrison Golden Boy smile, hoping it didn’t seem too vacant, and tried not to rush anyone.  
  
But of course, the very _millisecond_ he was about to walk out the door, someone had to block his path.  
  
“Hey, Shiro — whoa. You look terrible. What happened? Did a cadet get too shirty with you?” Keith asked, blinking up at Shiro.  
  
“What — uh, no. Nothing like that. It’s just…” Shiro sighed. “Lance texted me. He’s in the hospital. I was going to go see him, since classes are over for the day.”  
  
Keith winced. “Shit. Did he say what happened?”  
  
Shiro considered exactly what to say for a moment — First rule of queer club: do not out anyone else. Saying what had happened was already off the table. Not even a consideration. But to lie and say Lance hadn’t specified, or say something vague about privacy?  
  
“I’m not sure he’d want me to disclose that,” he finally said, fumbling over the words a little, “It’s a little… Um, something private, y’know?”  
  
Keith snorted. “What, did he get a dildo stuck up his ass?”  
  
Shiro laughed abruptly, startled by the bluntness. “No, nothing like that, Keith,” he assured, “Still, it’s. Private. So. Anyway, I’m gonna head out.”  
  
Keith eyed him for a moment before nodding. “Cool. I’m coming with.”  
  
Shiro made a surprised sound in the back of his throat.  
  
“What? Lance is my friend too,” Keith huffed, “Plus, someone has to make sure you don’t crash because you’re too worried and you skip a red light or something.”  
  
“....Fair enough,” Shiro conceded. “I’ll just check in with Uncle Mitch on our way out. If you need to do anything, like use the bathroom, do it now, because I’m not stopping until we get to the hospital.”  
  
Keith nodded and walked off at a brisk pace. Until Shiro had mentioned it, he hadn’t realized he needed to go to the bathroom, and he _really_ didn’t want to see if Shiro would follow through on the threat.  
  
*****  
  
They’d gotten there safely, with no incidents. Keith had been right — having him on the bike had definitely kept his head clear of pulling any of what Yuki would call his “Fuckhead stunts”.  
  
He spotted Ryou in the waiting area and strolled over, Keith trailing behind.  
  
“Ryou. How is he? Do we know anything?” he asked anxiously.  
  
Ryou’s eyes flicked to Keith. “His breath is rattly and he’s wheezing still, last I saw him before they called him back,” he murmured, “Does Keith know?”  
  
Shiro shook his head.   
  
Ryou nodded. “Okay, well, they’ve taken him back for x-rays. Luckily, Basic covers this, so he’ll be fine on the money front. I don’t know anything else,” he said, looking Shiro in the eyes.  
  
His eyes definitely said that he knew more than he was letting on, but it had to be related to the elephant in the room that Keith didn’t know about. Maybe it was more like a mouse, then? Since they hide easily?  
  
Shaking his head at himself, he finally sat down. “So… Was he freaking out really bad or anything?”  
  
Ryou nodded again. “Yeah, he was… pretty messed up. Especially since he wasn’t sure if Basic covered this stuff and he was worried about money he would owe us.” He paused to roll his eyes. “I calmed him down with a crack about how our great-great grandchildren wouldn’t need a brand new Harley-Davidson hover-bike as soon as they got their license.”  
  
"……Look, I know this isn't even remotely the point right now, but nobody with an ounce of self-respect rides a Harley-Davidson hover-bike. Ever. They're mediocre, at best. The handling is terrible, even for an ace pilot like Keith or Adam. They burn through fuel like a forest fire, they can barely fly, it's like trying to pilot an elephant. Like, the stupidest, slowest, most ponderously bad elephant ever in the universe. It's dead obvious that Harley-Davidson only branched out into hover-bikes as a shameless cash-grab, and what you want to get is a Jamison-Nichols, they're the obvious best—"

"Kashi, are you done yet." Ryou said it so flatly, it wasn’t even a question.

"……Excuse me?"

"You're my brother and I love you, Kashi. But right now, I super don't have the patience for you fixating on minutiae and babbling about hover-bikes because your best friend is hurting, you feel helpless, and that scares you. So, you stop that. Preferably now."  
  
Shiro sighed explosively and Keith nudged his shoulder.  
  
“Listen, Shiro. Lance is going to be fine, okay? He’s at the hospital, yeah, but they’re gonna figure it out and help him,” Keith said, “Just take a deep breath. You can be here for him when he comes out of there with whatever meds he’s gonna need or whatever, right?”  
  
Shiro smiled slightly. “Yeah. You’re right, Keith. I just… Ryou really hit the nail on the head. I want to help, but I can’t _do_ anything right now but sit here and worry — Oh! Ryou!” His eyes lit up. “I — Hold on, lemme—” He fumbled for his phone.  
  
Keith pinched his brows together and Ryou shrugged at him. He had no clue what was going through Takashi’s head any more than Keith did, and he’d literally known Shiro for his entire life.  
  
 _Shiro:_ **Ry, do you think Lance would let us pay for his top surgery? I know getting it covered by insurance makes him deal with things he’d rather not, but if we pay for it outright, it’d be easy. And he wouldn’t have to worry about binding too long ever again. Especially if he… experiences another episode.**  
  
 _Ryou [_ _💜🔋_ _]:_ **Hm. Maybe. It might take some convincing, tbh? But I don’t think it would be very hard. It’s something he really wants and I think he scared the dickens out of himself with this. I swear, his teeth wouldn’t stop chattering the whole ride here. He’s really upset with himself.**  
  
 _Shiro:_ **:( that sucks.**  
  
As the twins typed to each other, Keith mindlessly scrolled through his phone, unable to focus on anything and feeling rather stupid for feeling left out. He wasn’t entitled to Lance’s private medical information, Lance could choose to share with whoever he wanted to. He and Lance weren’t _that_ close, and to be fair, they’d started off really antagonistic towards each other. Totally fair for Lance to be uncomfortable sharing deep, personal things like this.  
  
Still. It stung that Ryou knew what was going on and he didn’t. Lance had known Ryou for much less time than he’d been friendly with Keith. Then again, Ryou had discovered/been witness to whatever had happened to Lance. Didn’t mean Lance had necessarily wanted Ryou to know, either, it just shook out that way.  
  
God, he really should just shut up and stop whining about his own feelings. Lance was _hurt,_ for Pete’s sake. Legitimately hurt. And all Keith could think about was why Lance hadn’t wanted him to know anything. How stupid and selfish.  
  
“Earth to Keith.” Shiro’s voice suddenly broke Keith’s thoughts and he looked up.  
  
“Yeah?”  
  
“You were starting to look a little… upset. But anyway, a nurse just came by and he let us know that Lance would be out soon. He didn’t disclose anything, of course? But since Lance’s being discharged, he’s probably just fine and only needs some, like, pills or something for a little while. Maybe even nothing, who knows.”  
  
Keith smiled. “That’s good news.”  
  
At that moment, Lance walked out, jacket zipped up — unlike him, Keith thought idly, normally he left it open.  
  
A wan smile on his face, Lance approached everyone. “X-rays didn’t see anything. I’m fine — just, uh. A little constricted for a while, I guess? Anyway, the doc told me to just get this generic brand of bruise cream since it’s as good as the name brand and, uh. Yeah.” Don’t wear your binder for two weeks, he recalled privately, give your lungs and ribs time to expand properly again and don’t do something like that again.  
  
Fuck, he hated the idea of not wearing his binder, but he hated the idea of never breathing right again more. He could handle two weeks. He didn’t have to go out into town or anything. He could _totally_ stay in the shack, no problems. Get food delivered if he ran out of groceries. Whatever. It had an internet connection. Netflix, baby.  
  
He’d be fine.  
  
*****  
  
He was not fine.  
  
Lance was going absolutely crackers staying cooped up in the shack like this, and it’d only been a week. The first few days, he’d been fine, but cabin fever had started setting in so _fast._   
  
Glancing down at himself, he debated the merits of going into town — it was a weekend now, so anybody from the Garrison could be out there and recognize him, which would be bad — just to solve boredom?   
  
Okay, he knew it was more than that, it was definitely his extroverted nature and ADHD acting up, but still.  
  
Sighing, he flopped out on the couch, limbs sprawled everywhere. Ryou might or might not come out to the shack, and what with his dissertation due soon, Lance wouldn’t blame him for _not_ showing up, when Lance would just be a needy, whiny brat who needed someone to entertain him like a child, instead of respecting Ryou’s need for space.  
  
Shiro definitely had to grade tests and stuff at the Garrison. He definitely didn’t need to be bothered, especially since Lance just wanted attention. Shiro had to give attention to at least a hundred other people right now, and in a way that determined their future. Clearly more important than Lance’s _boredom._  
  
...Maybe Keith would come over? He checked his phone. Ten in the morning on a Saturday. Keith would _probably_ be awake. And as far as Lance knew, Keith didn’t really have much to do in the way of teaching or work.  
  
He winced as he remembered the way he’d brushed everyone off after the hospital visit and gone practically radio silent. Ugh, Keith probably wouldn’t want to come over. Especially if Lance said that he really wanted to talk about what happened last week. The more he thought about it, the more he honestly _wanted_ to tell Keith he was trans. Keith was a good friend of his and while Lance didn’t call this tricking anyone, he just… wanted to let Keith know. It wasn’t about deserving knowledge, just… trust. And Lance wanted to give him that trust.  
  
Decision made, he fired off a text as fast as he could type before he could change his mind.  
  
 _Lance:_ **sup nerd, u got free time today? I wanna talk to you about smth important**  
  
 _Kitty:_ **Yeah. I’ll be down at the shack in half an hour.**  
  
Then Lance was left to wallow in self-doubt and regret. So deep into his thoughts, he hardly heard the roar of Keith’s hover-bike rolling up and then parking outside, but as soon as it registered, he leapt up and wrenched the door open, managing a weak smile at Keith’s shocked expression and half raised fist.  
  
“Hey. What’s up?” Keith asked, shaking his hair out and placing his helmet on the indoor hook.  
  
“Well, I guess there’s no beating around the bush with you,” Lance said in a chipper tone as he shut the door. “But I guess if you wanna get right down to it, uh. I’m. I’m, uh.”  
  
All of a sudden, his throat closed up and he made a whining noise, unconsciously crossing his arms over his chest. _Fuck. Fuckity fuck. Titty sprinkles. Son of a one-eyed, one-horned flying purple people eater. Come on, Lancey-Lance, you can do this._ _  
_ _  
_“Lance? You alright? You kinda look like you’re gonna throw up,” Keith said, brow furrowed in concern.  
  
Lance swallowed. “It never gets any easier to talk about this, okay, so just... Give me a second?” he pleaded.  
  
Keith nodded. “Yeah, of course. I mean, I literally have all day, I didn’t have any plans, so.”  
  
Lance nodded back, shuffling his feet nervously and sighing. “That’s, um. Cool. Thanks for showing up, by the way. This is, uh.” He sighed explosively and gritted his teeth. “This is super deep and personal. And like. All that shit.”  
  
“Is it about what happened last Saturday?”  
  
Damn Keith. That perceptive bastard. “Yeah… I, um. The thing is? I mean? I usually planned these like, big things for Hunk’s birthday, right?”  
  
Keith just gazed at him, all serious faced and clearly listening to him. God, it made Lance so nervous.   
  
“So, um. It was his first birthday… Since…” His throat closed up again and he choked back a sob, forcing himself to push through. “Basically, I got into a really bad depression slump, and, uh. So. I ended up? Like? Wearing my binder for three days in a row. I’m trans, Keith. Last Saturday we went to the hospital because I wore my binder way too long and we were all worried about, like, cracked ribs and permanent breathing damage. I’m fine? But yeah. That’s. The whole story,” he finished lamely, hugging himself tightly.  
  
Keith looked at him with wide eyes for a few moments, awkward, stunned silence filling the air.  
  
In a stage-drama whisper, Lance said, “Did you forget your line, Keith?”  
  
Keith spluttered. “What—Why would you even—” He cut himself off, shaking his head. “Listen, Lance… I’m really glad you’re okay, okay? And… I’m really glad that you felt that you could trust me with this. Uh… If you ever, like? Need anything? I can try to help. I mean, I’m cis, but… Yeah.” Well, Lance wasn’t the only one that felt sorta lame, just now.  
  
Lance smiled. “Thanks, man.” He held his arms out, taking a deep breath and ignoring the way his chest rose, because frankly, it felt lighter after that anyway. “So… if I said I needed a hug?”  
  
Keith snorted, but stepped forward and let Lance pull him in, patting his back. “This is easier than I expected.”  
  
Lance let out a startled laugh. “Yeah? Cool. Hey, so? You said you didn’t have any plans, right? Do you wanna play __Killbot Phantasm with me?”  
  
“I’m not that much of a gamer,” Keith said ruefully, “But I’ll try. Don’t expect me to be really good. Except on accident.”  
  
“Awesome!” Lance let go to grin at Keith. “I’ll go set it up, and you get the snacks.”  
  
“Don’t take my generous offer as me being your slave,” Keith deadpanned, giving Lance’s shoulder a light punch as he headed into the kitchen.  
  
Lance just laughed again, more brightly this time, and feeling better than he had all year. Okay, so it’d only been… less than a month since the year started, but still!


	3. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Descriptions of top surgery recovery. Had to do some research since I still haven't gotten lucky enough for myself, yet, and it's not stated but Lance had periareolar surgery. Also, this is the smut chapter

Recovering from surgery was somehow easier and tougher than Lance had generally expected. He’d armed himself with as much information as he could, and knew what to expect, but the limited motion he really had still took him by surprise.   
  
He struggled to sit up in his hospital bed, barely able to slap at the button that would move him up. Looking down at his chest, he barely suppressed the sudden need to hurl. He’d heard about the hormone crash, but he didn’t expect it to hit him so hard. Fuck.  
  
Taking slow, deep breaths, he peered around the room, finding himself crestfallen. His friends weren’t out here for him. He’d told his family about it, but none of them could make the trip — which was totally understandable! But that didn’t make it any less heartbreaking. Maybe Veronica would show up later? Surely his twin would pop in. She’d seen him off that morning… If the stupid hospital would at least let his friends in instead of just family, that’d be great, though.  
  
Sighing, he resigned himself to drifting through his thoughts for a little while, thinking back to (admittedly short) argument he’d had with the twins over them paying for the surgery.  
  
*****  
  
After dropping Keith back off at the Garrison, Shiro had come back to the shack, surprising Lance.  
  
“Hey, Lance. We need to talk, I think,” Shiro said, sitting beside him on the couch. “Ryou and I want to pay for your top surgery.”  
  
Lance gaped at him. “Wait, _what?_ But like! That’s a lot of money! I can’t pay you back for something like that, or anything, and besides that, you’ve already been _way_ too nice to me.  I mean, shit, all I do is sit around your house and run up all your bills. I don’t even pay for anything, Shiro, what the _hell_ —”  
  
“Lance, stop,” Ryou cut him off, “Remember what I said? About the Harley-Davidson hover-bikes?”  
  
“I _still_ think you need to switch your metaphor to Jamison-Nichols—”  
  
“Yeah, I remember,” Lance interrupted with a sheepish grin tossed Shiro’s way, “Okay, but? This still will cost more than the x-rays? And have you guys even done any research into that stuff? The recovery and everything? There’s so much, like…”   
  
He blushed, rubbing the back of his neck. “Like, my arms are gonna be pretty useless. Like, we’d need to buy a bidet for the toilet, sort of thing. Like, someone’s gonna need to help my change my bandages and things, sort of stuff. And, uh. It’s not gonna be pretty? Because of the hormone crash and I’ll be out of it for a couple days and then, just? I’m gonna be so tender, and… Ugh. You’ll need to baby me.” He hunched his shoulders, looking down shamefully.  
  
“Lance, we’ll _help you,”_ Shiro emphasized, “If that means buying a bidet and helping with your bandages, then we will. You’re my best friend, right? Would I leave you high and dry like that?”  
  
“...No,” Lance said reluctantly.  
  
“I may not be your best friend,” Ryou chimed in, “But you are my brother’s, so of course I’ll help you.” He ruffled Lance’s hair. “You deserve to be happy. And… In all honesty? I really can’t see a downside to, one, making you feel more affirmed, and two, doing something that would prevent you harming yourself so badly again if another depression slump like that shows up. You deserve better for yourself.”  
  
Lance’s breath hitched in his throat. “You guys are gonna make me cry,” he whined.  
  
Shiro chuckled, pulling Lance into a soft hug. “It’s gonna be fine, Lance. I promise. Do you know what surgeon you’d like or anything like that? I could try to  get someone specific for you; I know there’s a lot of top surgeons — okay, that phrasing sounds weird and not at all what I was aiming for, but okay — in hospitals nearby. Either way? Unless you want someone specific, I’ll pay your way into the nearest open appointment.”  
  
Lance swallowed. “Thanks. And yeah, I’ve done some research? I don’t really mind whichever one I get at Morningside, unless it’s that Dr. Richards. He seems like a real prick and I don’t want, y’know… To get messed up.”  
  
“Gotcha. I’ll see what I can do, okay?”  
  
At the end of the day, Lance’s surgery had been scheduled for two weeks later, and Lance had cried from sheer happiness.  
  
*****  
  
Finally spotting his phone on the nightstand, Lance reached out for it, wincing and gritting his teeth through the stretch, even if he didn’t feel any pain yet — morphine worked pretty well, he reckoned. _Got it!_  
  
 _Lancey-pants:_ **hey ronnie I’m awake where tf are you**  
  
 _Ronnie-bear:_ **i got hungry, sue me. i’ll be right up. do u want a choccy bar or anythn?**  
  
 _Lancey-pants:_ **ye ye get me a pack of reese’s. I’ll eat, like, real food, not hospital food, when I get out**  
  
 _Ronnie-bear:_ **will do~**  
  
A few minutes Later, and Veronica came in, smiling widely and wielding the vending machine prizes in her hand.  
  
“Hey nerd boy. How’re feeling?” she asked, sitting by the bed and giving Lance the pack.  
  
Lance grinned and peeled it open. “Just fine. Mostly. The hormone crash is getting to me, but if I don’t pay attention to my chest for now, I think I’ll be okay.”  
  
Veronica nodded. “I’m glad. You finally got your big break.” She reached out and ruffled his hair.  
  
Lance automatically reached up to retaliate, but aborted the motion with a wince. “Ugh. This is gonna suck to get used to.” He ate half of one of the Reese’s cups to distract himself.  
  
Veronica quirked her lips. “You’ll survive, big bro. Uh… I should probably get a doctor, right? Get you evaluated or whatever so they can send you home.”  
  
“That might be smart, yeah. I wanna go back to shack ASAP. Hospitals are creepy.” He shivered and ate the rest of the first Reese’s, stuffing the entire second one into his mouth.  
  
Veronica rolled her eyes at him. “ _Boys,”_ she said with no heat as she ruffled his hair again and stepped out into the hall.  
  
Getting discharged was easy enough. No raising his arms over his head for six weeks, so button up shirts galore. A medical binder to keep his chest contoured properly for about three weeks. And draining the… Fluids… a few days for one week. Simple instructions.  
  
He’d have to come back to get the drainage systems removed, but it would hardly take even a few minutes and wouldn’t be an issue.  
  
Either way, in a month and a half, Lance would be perfectly normal again. Better than normal, even. He couldn’t wait.  
  
*****  
  
Oh, God. He’d completely underestimated how tough on his arms it was to jack off. Waiting the week to get the drainage crap removed had been hard enough! And now he got too sore after just a few minutes?!  
  
He gave up again and washed his hands, heading downstairs. Maybe he could turn this energy into eating energy or something. As he picked up an apple, he startled at the sound of Ryou entering the home and checked his watch. _Oh._ Shit. He’d been frustrating himself for over an hour and it was, in fact, time for Ryou to get home.  
  
“Hey, Lance,” he greeted, setting his bag on the counter, “How’re you?”  
  
Lance considered whether or not to tell the truth for a moment, but decided “fuck it”. With a groan, he rubbed his legs together and muttered, “Hornier than a rabbit in mating season. But I can’t, um. My arms are, y’know. So I…”  
  
Ryou blushed. “Haven’t, um. Completed?” he said delicately.  
  
Lance nodded, setting down the apple. “Exactly. It’s frustrating as fuck,” he grumbled.  
  
Ryou watched him for a moment, licking his lips. He rolled his eyes slightly at himself and pulled out his chapstick, applied it, and then put it back. “So… I could… Help you,” he offered.  
  
Lance blinked. “Wait, what? Really? I mean, that wasn’t exactly on the list of things I needed help with.”  
  
Ryou chuckled. “I know, but… if you’re okay with it, I’d be happy to help. Really. Being frustrated isn’t any fun, and… Maybe it’ll help me unwind, too.”  
  
“Um. I’d really like that,” Lance said, shuffling his feet, “So, um. Yeah. Cool. Three things, I’m, um. Call _it_ a dick. And my hole? You can say, uh. Hole. Or cunt, I like both. Just not. Y’know, vagina or pussy. I’m not really ready for any anal stuff, either, so.” He shrugged, blushing and fidgeting with his fingers. “Not that I haven’t tried because I’m s’pposed to be a guy? But it just doesn’t like feel right, and—”  
  
“Lance,” Ryou interrupted gently, “It’s okay. Some guys just don’t care for it. You don’t have to be into anal to be a guy. And I’ll keep the other stuff in mind, I promise. Now…” He smirked slightly, eyeing Lance over the rim of his glasses. “Why don’t you show me to your bedroom?”  
  
Lance swallowed. “Oh good, okay, good, cool thanks, um— isn’t this your house, though? You know where I — ohh, that was. That was. I’m gonna shut up and you’re gonna do me okay? Okay.” Blushing a bright red, Lance hurried back upstairs and into his bedroom, shucking off his clothing as quick as he could.  
  
His pants came down easily, but his fingers trembled over the buttons of his shirt, and he muttered a few curses. Another pair of hands deftly moved his out of the way and worked them open, and Lance looked up at Ryou’s gently smiling face.  
  
“Need a hand or two?” he joked.  
  
“Three or four would be more helpful,” he shot back, grinning, “Because then I could jerk off _and_ like, text at the same time.”  
  
Ryou snorted and pushed the shirt off, stepping back to give Lance a little room to breathe for a second. The medical binder Lance had to wear would stay on, but frankly, he did not give a fuck. He was wary about taking it off too early anyway and screwing his contours up. Even taking it off for the few minutes to change bandages or shower made him nervous.  
  
“What do you want?” Ryou asked quietly, “Oral, me just messing with your toys, penetrative sex?”  
  
Lance hummed in thought. “Oral would get me off the fastest,” he decided, “And I can return the favor, if you want.” He backed up to the bed and dropped onto it, spreading his legs easily.  
  
Ryou’s mouth watered and he swallowed, clearing his throat. “Okay. I’m down for that.”  
  
“Well, it _is_ called ‘going down’.”  
  
Ryou chuckled, settling himself between Lance’s legs. “Mm, Lance. You look so irritated down here. Swollen and tender,” he murmured.  
  
Lance shuddered. “Yeah, well, trying to get off for over an hour and getting nowhere can really mess with you. Fuck. Keep talking like that, though, _please.”_  
  
“As you wish.” His lips twitched and he shifted a little closer, sliding a finger over Lance’s folds. “So slick for me… God, Lance, the moment I saw you, I almost drooled. I want to suck that cute little dick of yours so badly.”  
  
Lance whimpered. “Oh, fuck, yes, please. I want you to. Please.”  
  
Ryou immediately sucked Lance’s dick into his mouth, humming softly. It felt pretty nice. Softer than he’d expected. Filled his mouth _more_ than he’d expected. But it was easy enough to take Lance all the way down to his base, nose buried in Lance’s thick, curly hairs. He taunted Lance for a little bit, tonguing around him gently and feeling him out, before sucking hard. He really didn’t want to make Lance more frustrated when he’d already been having issues, after all.  
  
Lance wailed at the sudden stimulation, back arching. “Oh God, oh fuck, Ryou, ‘m close, please!”  
  
He pulled off for a second, chuckling. “Already?” he teased, circling a finger around Lance’s cunt, waiting for permission.  
  
Lance whined. “Don’t tease,” he begged, “I want to come so badly, please, just stick your finger in already and keep sucking!”  
  
Ryou obliged, ducking his head back down as he slipped a finger into Lance’s hole. He curled his finger just so as he sucked hard on Lance’s dick again and thrusted his finger in and out.  
  
Approximately five seconds later, Lance was coming hard, hands tightening their grip on the sheets.  
  
“Fuck! Ryou!” he cried out as the waves of pleasure finally washed over his body, flooding him with all those yummy endorphins. He convulsed for a few more seconds and then fell back, silent and boneless.  
  
“That was so good, Ry… Holy shit…”  
  
Ryou chuckled. “Good. I’m glad it was good for you.” He rolled over and got off the bed. “Do you need help putting yourself back together?”  
  
Lance breathed for a few more moments and then sat up, swinging his legs off the bed. “Nah, I’m good. Thanks. I really needed that. Do you, uh… I could, um…”  
  
Ryou shook his head. “No, I’m okay. I’m not in the mood for me to get anything. I didn’t mind giving, though,” he reassured quickly.  
  
“Okay. Cool.” Lance smiled and put his clothes back on. “I assume you’ll want an actual dinner, right? I don’t think you get any nutrition from giving a blowjob.”  
  
Ryou laughed. “Yeah. I feel like making spaghetti, if that's okay with you.”  
  
“Add meatballs and it’s a deal.”


End file.
